Whilst I find Tracy McMillan's piffle to be shortsighted, insulting and pugnacious as well - I too was once an un-engaged woman. Surprisingly, I never once thought my lack of a man who put a ring on it (if you'll forgive the Beyonce-ism) was due to: 1) my occasional grumps; 2) my wanting a man who was both literate, kind, witty, wise and did funny things to my loins on just merely looking at him; 3) a penchant for harlot antics; 4) being slightly utopian in thinking the best of people 5) trying her best to make her little world and herself as good as they could be; 6) being a bit fragile touched with a latent lack of esteem. In fact, my future husband (hello, lover) probably chose me for many of these reasons, and has helped me to overcome and laugh at my many foibles - although he still doesn't quite get the shoe thing or expensive beauty tinctures littering our bathroom. And I won't even go into the harlot bit. The thing is, marriage isn't for everyone. Not all of us like all the trappings and traditional anachronisms that can make it as passe as carnations or Britney Spears (sorry love, your time is over).
Ultimately it is a matter of choice, and for those of us about to wed? These are exactly the reasons why I'm doing it...
1. I LOATHE BAD WEDDING DRESSES
Frankly, most of them are ostentatious netted monstrosities festooned with way too much diamante, cheap silk and yes, look like a literal pavlova. Which could be good, as you could save on a pudding for your wedding breakfast. They cost a small mortgage if you allow them to, but heck isn't the whole point that you can justifiably spend far more than you ever have done on the most significant dress of your life? I don't want to look like a princess, but a highway woman cum lovechild of a Rolling Stone, hence my plan to find as close a frock as I can to a Vivienne Westwood and pair it with a sweeping velvet cloak. Because I can, as the bride, wear my dreams.
2. WHAT IF I WANT TO SLEEP WITH ANYONE ELSE?
I don't. The thought of it just being him, me and our marital bed for the rest of our long years till we're wizened and old and wearing purple (a la Gogol Bordello) actually excites me. BRING IT ON.
3. I DON'T THINK I'M TOO GOOD FOR IT
I hope I'm vaguely quirky, wild around the edges, inspired and er, cool in my own special way. I don't see getting married as any sort of slight to these qualities, but as a sharing of them with my favourite person in the world. I like that I have this little diamond thing on my ring finger that is a daily reminder that he loved me enough to give me the best ring, ever. It puts some sparkle into my life, which is always a good thing.
4. I WAS ASKED
This isn't meant as some acrid "ner ner, I was asked and you weren't", but neither my gent nor I had been that sold on marriage until something just changed. It wasn't logic, expectation or coercing - it was just plain love that did it. Plus he asked just as I was tipsily waxing lyrical about the gilded toilets in the rooftop restaurant in Marrakesh we were dining in. From toilet humour to engaged - very us.
5. I HAVE THE INHERENT ORGANISATIONAL SKILLS
But heck, I'm still scared witless thinking of how I'm ever going to get all this nailed. This is where this blog comes in - I pick up titbits along the way, spread the word, and have a big fat reminder of timeframes and tasks. Today's post was going to be on flowers, by the way - that will have to save for tomorrow.
6. I CAN BE BOTHERED
I have quite a lot to do in life, trans-global bridesmaids (two of them at present - trust me to have such itchy footed girls), a myriad of activities and daily musts - but we're doing this whole wedding hohah because it begets a marriage that we hope will be long in the tooth and joyful.