Thursday, 18 November 2010

KATE AND WILLIAM: Let battle commence!

I suspect I am going to be ridiculously upstaged as a bride next year...

But once the initial swoon - romance is alive! Marriage is still relevant! Hurrah!- had worn off, and the taciturn grumps firmly set in as a kindly friend sent a 'Looks like Kate and Wills are going to beat you to it' missive, my inner bride finally kicked in. And personally, I am taking it as a bon mot for upping my game: I would encourage all other brides of 2011 to do the same. If in doubt, always think 'what would Carrie and co. do?' and the answer will invariably be fabulous.

Yes, Kate will get a lovely big central London pile rent-free as part of her trousseau - even though she remains resolutely unemployed besides tinkering with Pritt Stick and paper chains for her parents party pieces company (don't tell the Tories, they'll have it off her in a twinkling).

There will probably be manifold dressmakers, ritzy jewellers, little old artisan lacemaking ladies at Chanel's Metiers des Arts all hankering to create her wedding outfit scott free - and Lanvin on speed dial. But as a future queen of England, not for her the even mildly sexy or adventurous, and certainly nothing befitting a style statement (unless you count Princess Di's epic train, or literally half of a very puffy dress on each shoulder).
And she can forget a remotely 'intimate' wedding - every crusty archduke and long distant (possibly inherently inbred) cousin in her realm will have to be invited. Most of us only have to concede to the odd over-affectionate uncle, dotty grandma or cousin with er, behavioural problems.

If you were ever going to have to go through the rigmarole of being a royal bride, one of the only true, coolly irreverent inspirations that should be looked to is Princess Margaret. I'm even surprised she didn't go down the aisle with an ubiquitous fag jammed in her saucy pout, and a knowing wink. 'The buccaneer bride' has something of  a ring to it - don't you think?..
*Though admittedly Kate's sapphire whopper is beautiful. Pah.

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