Marriage: The maths bit

Preserve of the overly careful, deeply unromantic - unless there's something in numerology that does it for you, in which case, my numerical dyslexia and I salute you - and prissy old things budgets might be: but they are also essential to weddings.

This week, glorious medieval venue confirmed, it was maths time and I was unexpectedly on very unsure footed territory. It's all too easy to get all blithe and swoony with the romance of it all, and to let the reason you're doing all of this [the wedding which begets the marriage] get lost among the small things. A lovely, personal, unforgettable day is a given with a wedding, so forgetting the whole meeting of what I perceived as other's expectations, trusting our own instincts  - was a must. In the words of wedding luminary Mark Niemierko, you should always walk into a wedding and think "this is so them". And it will hopefully only be the champagne addled bits that might slip off into the ether's of time, anyhow. Equally, although you should always be mindful of knowing when less is more (this especially applies to budget blitzing flowers, guests, and diamante - for which there is very little excuse), it is the time for getting carried away with the sheer joy of a wedding, to be generous, and to wear the most breathtaking dress and say the soppiest things to each other.

One excel spreadsheet later, and numerous "what does a wedding actually need?" ponderings later having rifled through the trusty internet blogs to find out what a budget checklist looks like, I came up with the below....and a few handy tips and titbits of advice I picked up along the way.

• A venue (see previous post). But don't be afraid to gently ask if the price they quote you is the best they can do - lacing a bit of cheek with nicety goes a long way. One venue we looked at dropped £1,000 from their hire fee once we asked about best price offers.
• Registrars/Wedding ceremony fees: realistically this is going to cost you anywhere from £120*                                                  *standard registry office fee
• Venue furniture, marquees, dancefloors, soft furnishings: Many venues are going to fetter you to their own suppliers, but if you are creating most of your reception from scratch, get quotations, pleasantly barter, and be aware that is generally wisest to consolidate your suppliers rather than hustling around - their prices are generally better and it will save the stresses of trying to ensure everything arrives at your venue to schedule.
• Wedding breakfast: go as 'local' and 'seasonal' as you can with food and caterers - thus reducing your eco footprint, supporting local trade, and the seasonality of your wedding will keep costs down (for instance, autumn and winter are peak season for wildfowl, game, Venison etc).
• Wedding cake and flowers: don't let talented relatives, friends or acquaintances hide their resourcefulness and skills under a bushel - many would be only too happy to help if you cover costs or would accept in lieu of a wedding present. Also, don't overlook your inner Nigella or florist - many adult education centres offer one day courses in floristry and cake baking direct.gov.uk/en/EducationAndLearning/AdultLearning/DG_96



Girl Meets Dress' Dina Bar-El

wedding dress to hire from £109

• Wedding dresses: whilst you can get some corkers in sample sales, these are likely to be that little bit grey and forlorn. Wise girls who wish to hire go to girlmeetsdress.com.
• Bridesmaids' dresses: think Sex and the City when it comes to bridesmaids - individual colours, sexy, elegant and with the potential to be worn again as evening gowns. French Connection, Reiss, Coast and Topshop's floor length silk chiffon numbers are all worth a look for a dress around the £120 mark. Traditionally the bridal party pays for these, but you might want to ask if bridesmaids would be willing to chip in if you all fall in love with a more expensive dress.
• Groom and Groomsmen's outfits: Dependent on whether you decide upon more classic wedding dress for the chaps, or choose to ask they all wear a particular colour suit, you might be expected to help with costs or pay their hire fees.
• Hairdressers and beauticians for the bride: Whilst it is lovely to be cosseted on your very special day, it is downright expensive. Seek out trainee or blossoming hairdressers/make up artists through friends and offer a reasonable fee (you could also try posting an advert through University or college website where such subjects are taught - such as arts.ac.uk - for London College of Fashion trained beauticians. Many beauty counters in department stores and larger Boots will also happily help with bridal beauty (Chanel, Mac, Lancome and Nars are lovely).
• Favours
• Wedding bands: antique rings are in general much better value. Don't be put off by the thought that they are likely from a failed marriage or given away by families - think of them as a ring that needs another chance, a re-homing, and your loving partnership is just the place for it.
• Band and music: A rule of thumb goes something like this - pay for a rollicking band you know and love to play your wedding, then stick on a preloaded iPod for the unbridled dance floor action. You can also use it to reference songs that would mean something to particular guests - a little song 'gift' if you will - such as that Van Halen song that he broke his leg leaping from the table to, or the swinging Andy Williams for your aunt, and Kings of Leon for your younger, rocking cousin. Plus, it's free!
• Venue decoration: fairy lights make an ethereal wonderland paired with gold-sprayed branches, tealights in a motley crue of old glasses sourced for a steal in charity shops as centrepieces, and lace curtains as chair covers, perhaps dyed black for a Gothic glam feel, bundled up in a bow at the back, and sheaves of corn for a summer wedding (a symbol of fertility) - none will break the bank but will finish your wedding off in high, unique style.

KATE AND WILLIAM: Let battle commence!

I suspect I am going to be ridiculously upstaged as a bride next year...

But once the initial swoon - romance is alive! Marriage is still relevant! Hurrah!- had worn off, and the taciturn grumps firmly set in as a kindly friend sent a 'Looks like Kate and Wills are going to beat you to it' missive, my inner bride finally kicked in. And personally, I am taking it as a bon mot for upping my game: I would encourage all other brides of 2011 to do the same. If in doubt, always think 'what would Carrie and co. do?' and the answer will invariably be fabulous.

Yes, Kate will get a lovely big central London pile rent-free as part of her trousseau - even though she remains resolutely unemployed besides tinkering with Pritt Stick and paper chains for her parents party pieces company (don't tell the Tories, they'll have it off her in a twinkling).

There will probably be manifold dressmakers, ritzy jewellers, little old artisan lacemaking ladies at Chanel's Metiers des Arts all hankering to create her wedding outfit scott free - and Lanvin on speed dial. But as a future queen of England, not for her the even mildly sexy or adventurous, and certainly nothing befitting a style statement (unless you count Princess Di's epic train, or literally half of a very puffy dress on each shoulder).

And she can forget a remotely 'intimate' wedding - every crusty archduke and long distant (possibly inherently inbred) cousin in her realm will have to be invited. Most of us only have to concede to the odd over-affectionate uncle, dotty grandma or cousin with er, behavioural problems.

If you were ever going to have to go through the rigmarole of being a royal bride, one of the only true, coolly irreverent inspirations that should be looked to is Princess Margaret. I'm even surprised she didn't go down the aisle with an ubiquitous fag jammed in her saucy pout, and a knowing wink. 'The buccaneer bride' has something of  a ring to it - don't you think?..

*Though admittedly Kate's sapphire whopper is beautiful. Pah.

Gimme Shelter: The hunt for a venue

We've spent the weekend caked in peaty mud, and sometimes something suspiciously worse.

I say this not just as a comical anecdote: but the quest for a home for our wedding has seen Mr McCorry and I tramp around potential venues that looked to marry up nicely with our ideals (and some not so, but to please the parents we've had a look at some admittedly lovely Georgian piles) and thus through some very, very boggy fields in the hinterlands of Kent.

Given that we decided to look at this particular weekend past so that we could get the closest notion of how the settings would look in this gilded season of mists and mellow fruitfulness  that we plan to marry in - and yes, it is all ravishing shades of fire, russet and gold - we should perhaps have put trench-foot into the equation. Thus I will be the welly-wearing bride (I wonder if Louboutin do some? Marcasite rhinestone encrusted perhaps?), or perhaps I could bring back the patteen...

But, mud wrestling aside, we have learnt some very important lessons (and fallen in love twice) in the course of the past three days. And dear reader I'd like to share some sage tips with you...


1. Tales of the unexpected: I fell in love. With a barn. Exasperated by futile viewings at other venues that boded to be all that we hoped for, but in reality were often sorely lacking in the character and soul department, we had to rethink our strategy. A wildcard bolt to a lovely bucolic village just ten minutes from my parents home (and yet which I never knew existed) turned up a corker - a magnificent, bewitching 13th Century tithe barn, all bleached oak beams soaring into the rafters giving the appearance of an upturned galleon - which Toby loved, given his maritime leanings - tumbling hops and strung bulbs. Pity the fact then, that it is booked up until 2012. A lesson was learnt though - go and look at the rebel venue, the one waving its kooky flag with pride. It just might surprise you.


2. Don't fear the blank canvas: We increasingly found we didn't want every last detail trussied up and sorted for us like some mad aunt had been at it with a taste for botox, carnations and glitter. Ultimately a marriage and wedding are yours - highly personal, full of quirks, foibles and what make you special as a couple. Some venues are open to requests or negotiation, but will stand firm on the key aspects (and so perhaps they should - equally for a wedding venue to be right for you, it has to be right for them and what they pride themselves on - if you're trying to move too many mountains, you're probably not in the right topographic realm). Besides, quite what the heck a toastmaster is anyhow I don't know, unless you're planning on having crumpets. Which could be nice.


3. Do fear the Taxman: upon our return journey, I started to do some vague sums having been highly taken with the heady history and unabashed majestic rock n' roll of Penshurst Place - just outside of Tonbridge - and suddenly thought of the worst three letter acronym known to man. VAT.
In our madcap dash around the wilds of Kent seeking a venue, only one declared in print that their price was not inclusive of VAT, yet almost all of them on re-analysis had neglected to draw attention to this very costly fact. That VAT is rising to 20% next year should be a spur to all couples hoping to marry over the next few years - pay it all, up front now if you can or plead with your venue to accept the VAT with a deposit at this year's rates, while the VAT is admittedly nasty, but not as crippling as it is going to become.


4. Adopt a 'Marrakesh' attitude: Not as bananas as it sounds, but generally I found that when liaising with venues over the particulars (and especially if you are on a budget and they are doing their best subtle up-selling skills on you) smile and say no firmly - it works as well as it does on the crazy streets of Marrakesh - as it is kind and tolerant, but conveys your feelings with aplomb.


5. Count your blessings: Before you even start the quest for a venue, significant discussions need to happen - generally, due to the cost of a registrar (£400+) to validate your marriage, it is considerably more cost effective to marry in a church, temple, or the building of faith that at least one of you holds - or registry office. I was surprised by Toby's open-mindedness to a church wedding - though he is by far and away the most tolerant gentleman I know. He qualified with the irrverent fact that he hadn't spontaneously combusted on entering our village church, which made me love him even more. With said talk having happened, you can look to a wider range of venues for a reception, and save four hundred pounds for some superior champagne. Whoop!